Wednesday, December 25, 2013

Transmission 1

My eyes opened, I opened my mouth and felt a very unique sensation.
I became aware of a hole in the middle of my face, there was nothing underneath and between my eyes,  the outside and the inside where connected somehow.
Even those ideas were unclear to me, what was inside, what was outside.
The inside was itching, I became aware that the inside was there, because of how it reacted to the outside that had gotten in.
Then I made a noise louder than anything else.
I was aware, somehow, that I made the noise but I had no control over it.
I had to expel the outside, and that, I somehow knew how to do it.

Then an ocker smell filled my insides.
My insides now filled with that ocker smell where itching even more.
I carried on crying only interrupting my cry to gasp at the outside and try and grab as much of it as possible to fill my inside.
As if my insides where empty and all that I could do was try to fill that void.
As if it was necessary, somehow for my insides to be filled, regardless that they itched.
Regardless that the itch was unbearable and I had to eject the outside that had gotten in.

I gasped again,  as my eyes closed, filled my lungs again, the inside was constrained, then I cried again loud as to release my inside from the itch.

As I was gasping for air another sensation appeared, it sat outside me, it was a repetitive unorganised noise, many years later I would recognise it as a thunderous noise, as a noise close to a thing called rain.
Yet through my eyes I only saw bright light. Nothing more that a bright light.
The sound was omnipresent I could only hear it during my gasps, my crying drowning it entirely.

I cried and gasped from what seemed like an eternity, in fact for a whole lifetime.
For the whole of my lifetime so far.

Then I could not hear a thing, I was back where I came from.
What had that all been?

I re-lived the sensations, now with more calm.
As if They where not in the boundary, as if the outside and the inside where just abstract notions.
As if all was a drill, as if all was being told to me without a language, but I was not experiencing it.
Then all became dark and uneventful.
This unbounded continuity was what I was accustomed to, How things had always been.
I had no idea of even what I was, let alone consider the who that I would become later on.
This infinity, was my home, this void was what I was.
No boundary, no sensation, nothing but an awareness of existence.

That was perhaps the weirdest of all, where was that awareness coming from.
What had that ocker smell been?
What was it all about?
What was it in the first place?

How had all of this appeared in the void?